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Time：第153次例會，2008年4月26日（週六）下午2:30~5:30
Place：
viewtopic.php?t=15
Time:
14:30 ~15:30 (Free Talks)
15:30~16:00(Speaker Session)
16:00~17:15 (Topic Discussion)
17:15~17:30 (Happy Time)
Host: Rock Chang
Assistant Host:
Topic: Love Style
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles
Love is one of the most important things in life for many people. Someone would even sacrifice oneself for it. Love is sweet. Love is an angel. However, if we don’t know it well, love may get us into some serious troubles, too.
The following article is excerpted from wiki.
Love styles
Love styles are models of lovers developed by John Lee (1973, 1988). He identified six basic theories -- also known as "colors" of love -- that people use in their interpersonal relationships:
Eros — a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love
Ludus — a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest
Storge — an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity
Pragma — love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative
Mania — highly volatile love; obsession; fueled by low self-esteem
Agape — selfless altruistic love; spiritual; motherly love
Clyde Hendrick and Susan Hendrick of Texas Tech University have conducted extensive research on the love styles since the mid-1980s. They have found that men tend to be more ludic, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Mania is often the first love style teenagers display. Relationships based on similar love styles were found to last longer. People often look for people with the same love style as themselves for a relationship.
Eros
Akin to limerence, eros is literally the love of beauty. It is a highly sensual style of love. Erotic lovers choose their lovers by intuition or "chemistry." They are likelier to say they fell in love at first sight than those of other love styles.
Erotic lovers view marriage as an extended honeymoon, and sex as the ultimate aesthetic experience. They tend to address their lovers with pet names, such as "sweetheart" or "honey." An erotic lover can be perceived as a hopeless romantic. Those of other love styles may see erotic lovers as unrealistic, or trapped in a fantasy.
Examples of eros in movies include:
The Blue Lagoon
Return to the Blue Lagoon
Pretty Woman
Working Girl
Girl with a Pearl Earring
Ludus
Ludic lovers are players. More interested in quantity than quality of relationships, ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible. Ludic lovers choose their partners by playing the field, and quickly recover from break-ups.
Ludic lovers generally view marriage as a trap, and are the most likely of the love styles to commit infidelity. They might view children as a sign of fertility, or, if male, a confirmation of their masculinity. They regard Sex as a conquest or a sport, and they engage in relationships because they see them as a challenge.
Examples of ludus in movies include:
Dangerous Liaisons
Cruel Intentions
Storge
Storgic lovers are friends first. Storgic love develops gradually out of friendship, and the friendship can endure beyond the breakup of the relationship. Storgic lovers choose their mates based on homogamy, and sometimes cannot pinpoint the moment that friendship turned to love. Storgic lovers want their significant others to also be their best friends.
Storgic lovers place much importance on commitment, and find their motivation to avoid committing infidelity is to preserve the trust between the partners. Children and marriage are seen as legitimate forms of their bond. Sex is of lesser importance than in some of the other love styles.
Examples of storge in movies include:
When Harry Met Sally...
Love & Basketball
Pragma
Pragmatic lovers are practical. Pragmatic lovers think rationally and realistically about their expectations in a partner, and select them via comparison shopping or shopping-list love. Pragmatic lovers want to find value in their partners, and ultimately want to work with their partner to reach a common goal.
Pragmatic lovers will avoid infidelity to avoid adverse consequences, and carefully weigh the costs and rewards of a relationship. Pragmatic lovers view sex as a reward or a means of procreation, and view marriage and children as potential liabilities and assets.
Examples of pragma in books and movies include:
Ordinary People
Charlotte in Pride and Prejudice
Mania
Manic lovers often have low self-esteem, and place much importance on their relationship. Manic lovers speak of their partners in possessives and superlatives, and feel they "need" their partners. Love is a means of rescue, or a reinforcement of value. Manic lovers often discover their partners by haphazard means.
Manic lovers will avoid committing infidelity if they fear discovery. They view marriage as ownership, and children as either competition or a substitute for their lover. Sex is a reassurance of love. Manic lovers are often anxious or insecure, and can be extremely jealous. Manic lovers respond well to therapy, and often grow out of this style.
Extreme examples of mania in movies include:
Misery
Fatal Attraction
Play Misty for Me
Swimfan
Taxi Driver
Agape
Agapic love is self-sacrificing, all-encompassing love. Agapic lovers are often spiritual or religious people. Agapic lovers view their partners as blessings, and wish to take care of them.
Agapic lovers will remain faithful to their partners to avoid causing them pain, and will often wait patiently for their partners after a break-up. Marriage and children are sacred trusts, and sex is a gift between two people. Agapic love is unconditional.
Examples of agape include:
The Gift of the Magi, by O. Henry
Penelope in Odyssey
The Notebook
Somewhere in Time
Titanic
Untamed Heart
Forrest Gump
Passion of the Christ
Activity and suggested questions:
1. Take a quick guess at everybody’s love styles and make a list of them. Think of some reasons to support you. Of course you can only judge them from what they look like and how they talk in our club, so the result is just for fun.
2. Explain why you think somebody’s love style should be what you’ve chosen. Do you think it’s a good thing for him/ her?
3. What kind of love style are you looking for in your ideal lover? What kind of love style is the worst?
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